Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
