He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
