It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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