doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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