I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
