Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
