I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize