how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
