ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
