This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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