Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize