Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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