WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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