Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
