I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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