I just threw up on my dentist
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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