Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
