So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
