he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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