Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
