I can text with my tongue
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
