First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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