it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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