The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How's work?
Spinning.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
