I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
