If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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