when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize