i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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