I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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