Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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