Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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