Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
