Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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