Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
