Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she peed on how many people?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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