Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
