In the future we'll all be gay
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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