I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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