Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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