I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize