so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
