final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
