I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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