I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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