He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
