i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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