where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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