shes about as inviting as chlamydia
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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