i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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