Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
