I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
