Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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