Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
