Having a random hookup so left but love u
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
