I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
