got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I deserve this hangover.
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