so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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