hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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