I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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