I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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