mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
