we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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