I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
