That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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