All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
