Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
