I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
