im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
