I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
