Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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